August 17, 2010 Is your art worth it’s carbon footprint? Seriously…?
My experience of being an artist is anguish-filled with frustration. Each day I surf and find artists all talking more and more loudly as a metaphoric haystack of needles seeming to not say much at all, yet incessantly nattering on regardlessly.
You must from time to time also be thinking this…
Would i stand out more in this needle-stack if i just returned to being straw? And what do I have that’s worth saying in this arena, as I forever sense guilt for the carbon foot print of materials I continue to burn.
I try to blog. Another hoop of suggestion to jump through, but for what reason? For you or for myself? If for you…why? Just to relate it to your life of you-ness? If for me, why? Am I really that self-absorbed in my absolution? Surely if I was, then I would be doing that and not talking about it.
The majority of art now throughly bores me, almost as much as my own can. Is there really nothing left to paint that ten or more other artists aren’t already doing? Do I paint to release joy or out of total disgust and expression of struggle, experiencing the mundaneness of life and seemingly waste of meaningful existence?
How can any of us be content with needle art that sounds like mindless verbal grey drivel? Be honest about your art to yourself. Is it really worth the price of it’s footprint?
The truth is I don’t know if I have what it takes or what IT is even. Whatever I paint it never feels like enough. Never right… More a con than a creation.
As I desire to love art, I find myself hating it more passionately. I AM art and it eats into me, as I try to move it and feel it burning into me like acid, always telling me I’m behind, I’m wrong and untalented. Untrained. A fake. I’m a fraud and a no-one.
Who can wonder therefore why I have such anger inside me because of it.
“So stop”perhaps you might say. But to stop would mean to stop my breath. It’s in me like my thoughts that bury me in constant over analysis.
So ends another pointless vomit-filled spew of verbal diarrhea.
- 2 comments
- Posted under Being an artist
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Karen
said
This is the why of the quote beneath my blog title. It isn’t so much a world-changing meaning that art pursues, as it is a reflection of who we are, and like any communication, the meaning will sink deep with those who know how to listen.
I think we are not so generic as to all be reached by the same thought or expression. It is in the continual variety that meaning shapes itself forward into beauty or from beauty we find meaning. If we don’t reach out with the intensity of knowing and wishing to know, minds and hearts can’t touch and that moment of understanding becomes mythic in its rarity.
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deborah fitzgerald
said
oh i would agree with karen… we all have worth while things to discuss and communicate in our own works however personal the issue may be…. i truly believe there is at least one or two other people out there who think and feel and see the world the way i do in my work. so to deprive myself and them of that would be wrong… we all need validation.